Santa’s Little Super Helpers By Daniel Seib and Gibran Isaacs

December 21, 2021 Articles

Twas the night before Christmas

And all through the house

Not a creature was stirring

Except for the two Comic Shop employees

Bickering it out –

If in a weird twist of events Santa has gone missing, his list is gone, and no one knows who’s going to deliver all the presents! Heroes need to step up. But, which team of heroes would have the better chance of taking over for him and manage all the deliveries in one night and save Christmas, and, dare I say it, the world? The debate was narrowed down to two contenders, the Justice League or the X-Men. Two teams of great strength and versatility. But which one has the chops to take over for the Big Man in Red?

The Justice League, one shop worker surmised, had the best chance. When it comes to the epic list of naughty and nice, Batman and his Bat Super Computer and Cyborg’s connection to technology, would come in for the assist on seeing whom Santa would be delivering to. The two of them would also handle any security system that would need bypassing because the team wouldn’t be able to ‘magic’ themselves into homes the impressive way the Jolly Old Saint manages to.

Then comes the matter of delivery itself and the time it would take to make those deliveries. Considering that this all has to be done in one night and that the night moves progressively across the earth it allows the team to be able to work section by section chasing the sun. The rest of the Justice League has the advantage when they work together. Superman and the Flash with their extra speed would be able to tackle the more condensed metropolitan areas with ease. Aquaman and Wonder Woman would tackle getting across those large bodies of water that separate the continents. But let’s not forget the Green Lantern and the rest of the corps being able to help out with extra hands and heavy lifting where ever needed in order to make delivery times that would put Amazon to shame.

As an added bonus, on the off chance any children wake up and sneak downstairs to take a peek, the Lantern Corps could at least (albeit with a green glow) could make themselves look like Santa. With Martian Manhunter around he could shape shift completely and none of the children would suspect it was anyone but Santa.

As for the X-Men, with so many mutant teams to sift through it was hard to settle on just one specific team. With a long history of members, the solution was far simpler to pick some amazing members of Mutantdom to be a coordinated team. Shop worker #2 believes the easiest way to track all individuals and their naughty and nice status would be through Sage and Jean Gray’s coordinated efforts.

Jean would safely look out into the world telepathically and set an initial tally of persons and where they fall on the naughty/nice spectrum. Sage, being the equivalent of a living Bat Computer, would take that information and easily communicate to the rest of the team as they sweep through the world.

With an initial list made then becomes the issue of transportation. An excellent crew of Captain Kate (Kitty Pride), Hope Summers, Magik, and Nightcrawler makes a team that can: teleport, BAMF, and phase through matter, into any building. Magik’s vast reaching teleportation could easily get the team around the world instantaneously, even places where Krakoan gates aren’t nearby. Nightcrawler’s fantastic teleportation could help the team split up and still make great progress. Captain Kate’s phasing could allow the team to deliver gifts into buildings with many units with ease. Lastly, the real battery for the team, making sure the team doesn’t get weary, would be Hope Summers keeping everyone in tip-top shape and really keep the energy they’d need to deliver gifts while night rotates around the world.

These teams, strong in their own ways, would surely both succeed at helping Santa out in his time of need. But who would do it better? Who would finish with time to spare? Who would eat the cookies or drink the milk? We couldn’t decide. What we could decide was that either way everyone would still get their presents. Share with us your thoughts? Who do you think would do a better job?