When Slackers Rant! by Shawn S.
Although the world at large generally assumes we spend the bulk of our days thumbing through funny books and talking about the customers, that assumption is not correct. We run a big boy business, complete with tasks like counting, ordering, and filing. Our days are filled with a constant barrage of what to order, what we need, and what people will want months down the road. It’s a real gig, with real problems and responsibilities. We have Zoom meetings. And we have Slack.
We talk about all sorts of stuff on Slack, but the real fun goes on in a channel named rick-rants. It’s certainly more fun that being rick-rolled. It’s where we let off steam. Now, it would be unfair of me to tell you any of those particular things, as they’re really only for members of the GC crew. but that’s just lame for those of you who don’t work here, so I’ve decided to just rant on my own. These ravings are just rando thoughts . I have mostly decided to do this because this was apparently due last week. All of the ravings expressed here are my very own and so do not reflect the views of any other GC employee because the psychiatric community isn’t nearly as interested in them as they are in me. Here goes…
Rant the First-I believe that there should be a special function in the Google calendar that tells me about Shawn related things like deadlines that somehow incorporates both fire and songs. If the Googlemakers listen to me, none of us will have to suffer this whole “bullet-point” approach again. Swear.
Rant the Second-If the collective GC staff seems a tad frantic of late, it may be that the comics aren’t coming to us on time, and no we don’t know if it’s the distributor of the shipper. We know what you know. My Diamond shipment should have been on the UPS truck I saw drive away six hours ago. Last time I looked at tracking for a Lunar shipment, I saw a question mark on top of a line. I think the projected time of arrival was just “-ish.” Try not to freak out about it, the brown box full of units will eventually come. There’s a joke in there somewhere I might have gotten away with if I had more time to kick it around.
Rant the Third-If you are around when the boxes do arrive, show a moderate amount of decorum, won’t you? As mentioned above, we have to do stuff with them. We count them, log them into the computer, apply the taxes, and then pull the club. It ain’t the 80’s, when we’d just pull stuff out of boxes and throw them into a big pile in the middle of the store and let you Hunger Games yourselves into a frenzy. Relax, Batman’s still gonna Bat, even if it’s a day late.
Rant the Fourth-It is absolutely always cool for you to ask us if we have a title in stock. It’s a basic function of our job. Conversely, it’s kind of not okay if you get annoyed that we don’t have it. At the end of the day, we have an excellent free subscription club. You can even get the catalogs we literally order from and decide ahead of time if you want any book. We’re here to sell you things, not to say no. But we all know that the hot books get hot because nobody can get them. Don’t act so surprised when the hot books are gone, you weren’t on any mercy mission this time.
Rant the Fifth-If you’re even vaguely considering buying a book that isn’t going to come out for a few months, let us know. It’s just conversation and you’re not signing a contract in blood. If even a couple of people randomly mention a new book, it gets on the radar. Use your face sounds, we don’t bite. Except maybe for Rick. You might just want to just slide him a note.
Rant the Sixth-Your old comics are not automatically in fabulous condition just because they are in a bag. My cat likes to go outside. I suspect he like this because he can slaughter other animals for fun. I have nick-named him the Murder Machine. He brings what he kills to my front door. How does this fit with the ranting, you’re asking right now…
When I dispose of these small corpses I put them in a plastic bag. This does not make them mint. Bags are not magical, especially if you’re left holding one.
Rant the Seventh-Beloved club members, please show up. We ask to see you twelve times a year. If you blow that off and come see me less often than you see your dentist, don’t be surprised that you books get charged or sold to somebody else, for they are not actually your books yet. If I asked to borrow your car and then just doubled the time it took to bring it back, you would be sad. If you have months of product being held in your name that I can’t put out on the floor, I’m sad. A sad comic book guy can lick your comics before he puts them in the Sub box. He might be having a day, and this might bring him weird comfort. Is this a risk you’re willing to take?
Rant the Eighth-I don’t care about Substack, and I think Bad Idea Comics was aptly named.
Rant the Ninth-I think it’s super odd that comic book fans have any trouble wearing a mask. If you’re so angry about masks, I suspect it’s because you don’t have one that’s cool. If I still had my old Don Post Tor mask, I’d be wearing it every day, virus or no.
Rant the Tenth-Finally, any well executed retail endeavor typically makes sure that the product being sold is accessible to the customers, therefore your fever dreams of Raiders of the Lost Ark warehouses filled with all of the most popular items are the ravings of madmen. The answer is, nine times out of ten, “No, I don’t have cases of _______ in the back, as that would just be dopey of me, wouldn’t it?
I don’t know about you guys, but I feel great. I should be totally unaware of deadlines more often. Probably a bad call when talking about the monthly orderpack, but very therapeutic for me today. In closing, make a dental appointment, don’t make me have to lick your comics, and always try to be awesome at anything you do, not because of how you’ll be perceived, but because that’s how heroes behave. Here endeth the ranting. As the Website special order list frequently reads, sorry so late.